ah, technology
or...Why the Flip Phone Has Improved My Quality of Life, an essay by Alison.
You remember back to the Dark Ages, right? When people were just starting to allow cell phones to rule their lives? Back then, the flip phone was a rare, rare commodity. It was cutting edge and not many people owned one. My friend Jared was the first among our friends to own a cell phone reliably (I flirted with prepaid stuff for awhile, but he had one 24/7 forever and ever) and he owned a flip phone that he kept forEVER. When it was finally retired, his new model was approximately 1/3 the size of his original.
Back in the Dark Ages, when people were first starting to own and use cell phones consistently, I was consistently first in people's phonebooks. Makes sense, right? Alison. AL is a pretty early letter combination. I was easily accessible because of my name. Score, Mom and Dad!
Except for one little problem. The accessibility of my name meant that anyone who didn't lock their phone and then, say, put it in a pocket or purse and went along their merry way usually ended up making a rogue phone call. At first, I was totally fooled by these calls:
RING, RING
Me: Hi!
Them: [rustling]
Me: Hello? Matt/Melissa/Whoever? Are you there? I can't hear you very well!
Them: [rustling, maybe distant laughter]
Me: HELLO!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU. CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK UP? WHAT'S GOING ON?
Them: [...]
Me: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? ARE YOU OKAY??? DO YOU NEED HELP? SHOULD I SEND LASSIE??
Around this point, I realized what was going on and that I had been the victim of yet another random dial by cellphone. Worse yet were the random dials that I didn't answer and so, they went to voicemail. They went a little like this:
Me: do do do, will check my voicemail. Says I have messages!
Voicemail: You have 1 new message from phone number 555-1234.
Me: Hm. Wonder why she called so late?
Voicemail: BRGHGHHGGHRHRRRRRRRGH [crackling, rustling, distant voices]
Me: WTF?
Me: [ponders staying on line to see if I can hear anything juicy]
Voicemail: BRRHGHGHGHGHGHSRHRHRHRHGHRRRRRGH
Me: Dammit! I can't hear what they're saying. My plans are thwarted.
And so on.
But then! The flip phone got popular! With the advent of the flip phone, I no longer get 1AM random dials, or 10-minutes long voicemails in which I neither receive mail nor anything but a disembodied voice. So yes. Thank you, technology.
You remember back to the Dark Ages, right? When people were just starting to allow cell phones to rule their lives? Back then, the flip phone was a rare, rare commodity. It was cutting edge and not many people owned one. My friend Jared was the first among our friends to own a cell phone reliably (I flirted with prepaid stuff for awhile, but he had one 24/7 forever and ever) and he owned a flip phone that he kept forEVER. When it was finally retired, his new model was approximately 1/3 the size of his original.
Back in the Dark Ages, when people were first starting to own and use cell phones consistently, I was consistently first in people's phonebooks. Makes sense, right? Alison. AL is a pretty early letter combination. I was easily accessible because of my name. Score, Mom and Dad!
Except for one little problem. The accessibility of my name meant that anyone who didn't lock their phone and then, say, put it in a pocket or purse and went along their merry way usually ended up making a rogue phone call. At first, I was totally fooled by these calls:
RING, RING
Me: Hi!
Them: [rustling]
Me: Hello? Matt/Melissa/Whoever? Are you there? I can't hear you very well!
Them: [rustling, maybe distant laughter]
Me: HELLO!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU. CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK UP? WHAT'S GOING ON?
Them: [...]
Me: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? ARE YOU OKAY??? DO YOU NEED HELP? SHOULD I SEND LASSIE??
Around this point, I realized what was going on and that I had been the victim of yet another random dial by cellphone. Worse yet were the random dials that I didn't answer and so, they went to voicemail. They went a little like this:
Me: do do do, will check my voicemail. Says I have messages!
Voicemail: You have 1 new message from phone number 555-1234.
Me: Hm. Wonder why she called so late?
Voicemail: BRGHGHHGGHRHRRRRRRRGH [crackling, rustling, distant voices]
Me: WTF?
Me: [ponders staying on line to see if I can hear anything juicy]
Voicemail: BRRHGHGHGHGHGHSRHRHRHRHGHRRRRRGH
Me: Dammit! I can't hear what they're saying. My plans are thwarted.
And so on.
But then! The flip phone got popular! With the advent of the flip phone, I no longer get 1AM random dials, or 10-minutes long voicemails in which I neither receive mail nor anything but a disembodied voice. So yes. Thank you, technology.
posted by Alison Inaz @ 4:20 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home