up on the watershed

Saturday, October 03, 2009

and then 3 months slipped by

Have you ever felt like your life was made for you?

Let's deconstruct that question for a second. Presumably, YOUR life should be made for you. But how many of us are living a life we love, that we're happy with, that we can think the best of? Some friends of mine were discussing this a few weeks ago and I was as surprised as anybody to realize that yeah, since this summer sometime, I've routinely felt like my life was made for me to live. It's a good life, a happy life, a just life. The perfect life for me.

On July 1st, I made a commitment to change some things in my daily life, to bring a different energy to the world, and to make better choices for my body and to treat it well. I've done all those things and I have to say, I've been blown away by the results. I'm happier, healthier and more energetic than I can remember being in years. I know it sounds like I drank the Oprah Kool-Aid, but believe me when I say that since that day, I've been in a great place.

I'm as surprised as anybody to be in this place right now, both literally and figuratively. As alluded to below, I pined for my hometown so fiercely last year that I am flabbergasted to find myself charmed by my current town, loving my job, and feeling like I'm doing the best work I've ever done. No one, including me, thought I'd be in this place, this mental space, right now. But here I am.

A couple months ago, post-July 1st, I watched as a good friend of mine mouthed some Salt-N-Pepa lyrics, complete with very intentional eye contact, to her husband while we all danced, sweaty at a house party:

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. . .

Her message was unmistakable; she'd been looking for a good man and she'd found him. I left that party, that night, happy for my friends and also feeling as though something finally clicked in my dating psyche. I've never really set out to find a good man. Of course, I've dated and loved some good men. But I wasn't looking for them per se. I was looking for someone interesting, someone quirky, someone educated, someone progressive, someone bitingly sarcastic. But "good" wasn't on the list of qualifications and usually, once "good" was on the table, there was a marked decrease in interest on my part.

So I set about my business and began living this life that feels like it was made for me. And then one day, as if I conjured him up from my many lists of desirable qualities and even more that I didn't even know I desired, my good man showed up.

Don't mistake me, here, for someone saying her life is perfect because she's found a great partner. No. It's too early to write the final(or even next) chapter in this story. But I have to believe, if I am to believe anything at all, that finding my good life, feeling as though my life was made for me to live, and being truly happy with myself had a little something to do with attracting the same. He's got the right potion.

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