true or false
Basing your life's happiness on goals and achievements that are largely due to happenstance and/or largely out of your control (such as "The thing that would make me happiest in life would be to be a wife and mother," or "The one thing I hope to do in the next 5 years is get married") is a good plan.
Discuss.
Discuss.
posted by Alison Inaz @ 6:14 PM
23 Comments:
At Sunday, February 04, 2007 7:13:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
no marraige is never a good plan ;)
At Monday, February 05, 2007 6:04:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
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At Monday, February 05, 2007 10:37:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
basing life happiness on happenstance is a formula for depression. if you are always waiting for that thing that you think will make you happy in the future you risk both missing the present and the opportunity to enjoy it. Besides that, personal happiness CANNOT be based on others. If something is wrong or unhappy about ones life, being attached to another person will not fix it, at best it will temporarily ameliorate it.
Sadley our culture propogates the notion that marraige and children will naturaly make one happy and that both are a mark of maturity and progression in adulthood.
That is all for now ;)
At Monday, February 05, 2007 4:36:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
I don't know that marriage and babies are necessarily attributed simply to happenstance. However, I don't think it so terribly wrong to attribute some measure of happiness to such a 'goal'. I do not, however, think one can prematurely gauge a level of happiness to attribute to such an event. so one should find other avenues from which to pursue happiness that finitely achievable by their own elbow grease.
At Tuesday, February 06, 2007 10:47:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I see why marriage may be considered out of one’s control because it requires another suitable person to commit to the marriage, but why would becoming a mother be characterized as something due to happenstance or largely out of one’s control?
At Tuesday, February 06, 2007 10:48:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I see why marriage may be considered out of one’s control because it requires another suitable person to commit to the marriage, but why would becoming a mother be characterized as something due to happenstance or largely out of one’s control?
At Tuesday, February 06, 2007 5:35:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
I was just talking about this at work today. In fact, I was telling my co-worker that I never thought I would be married by this point in my life and it was not a goal of mine, but it happened, and it's good and that's fine. If it hadn't happened by now, I'd like to think that I wouldn't be worried about it. So yeah, ideally you don't live your life based on the hope that some rare event will happen, but on the other hand, if you want it to happen, you put yourself in a position where it is more likely to happen than it was before you put yourself there.
What the heck brought this up?
At Tuesday, February 06, 2007 8:21:00 PM,
Alison Inaz said…
First, to answer Mr/Ms Anonymous' inquiry: because not everyone can get pregnant, and certainly not everyone can afford or is allowed to adopt children.
To K-Dawg: Shrug. I just got tired of reading all these blogs and surveys of young women who pin their hopes and dreams on marriage and motherhood and when it doesn't happen they announce they will just "trust in God" that it will. It just seems like a fruitless, frustrating goal to me, especially when fewer and fewer people are getting married (for a lot of reasons, I suppose. But that's another blog) and the chances of having children when unmarried are even slimmer unless you are exceptionally privileged and/or unlucky (heh).
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 10:31:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
BEECUZ Alison, if you haven't walked down the aisle in giant dress wearing a tiara while the Canon plays by the time you're 30, it means you're going to be ALONE. FOREVER. obviously.
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 12:20:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Right...approximately 10% of women cannot have children.
Every state in the US allows single people to request a child that is legally adoptable...
What kinds of people are not allowed to adopt?
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 2:23:00 PM,
Alison Inaz said…
People with certain criminal records, even women who have been charged with domestic violence because both she and her partner were carted away at the same time, people with a past history of mental illness, etc. People with developmental or physical disabilities, some people that the state determines are "too old," etc, etc.
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 2:24:00 PM,
Alison Inaz said…
..and gay couples, but that's sort of a tangent to our conversation, Anonymous.
At Wednesday, February 07, 2007 7:00:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
so i'm three days late to the party, but where does that 10% of women can't have babies stat come from? it seems awfully low.
as for marriage and babies, i was raised to believe that those were my two goals in life. my cousins are raised to believe the same. i hope they, like me, someday realize that marriage is not an obligation/ goal, but rather a decision one makes. If marriage enhances your already-established life, go for it. but have that life first.
with that said, i'll be at jessica's wedding in approximately four years. you know, when she turns 22. don't leave in the spring without the ring! ::gag::
At Thursday, February 08, 2007 12:15:00 AM,
Unknown said…
I just keep in mind what one of my old roommates always said: Women die first so even if we DO get married, we still die alone. So why stress about getting married? Probably won't change anything.
At Thursday, February 08, 2007 2:08:00 PM,
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At Thursday, February 08, 2007 6:39:00 PM,
Alison Inaz said…
I'm sad that Anonymous (aka someone from wisc.edu ;) ) hasn't come back to the conversation, but I do have to say... that is THE BEST spam comment I've ever gotten.
At Thursday, February 08, 2007 9:52:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
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At Friday, February 09, 2007 6:27:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
I think people put their hopes and dreams in having a spouse and kids because having that is a societal "norm." Every winter, forty-five movies come out that deal with families coming home for Christmas, and the million and one permutations of that story involve dysfunction and craziness, but in the end, they all have each other. Our society is getting to the point where many more individuals are finding out that happiness and love and "family" can mean all sorts of things and involve all sorts of people. I guess I can't fault any woman for hoping and dreaming for a husband and children someday, but I do agree that sitting around with your hands under your butt waiting for this dream to come true is pretty silly. Thankfully, I think many women are choosing to hold on to those dreams to some degree, but recognize that they can pursue other dreams in the process (career, contribution to society, poop eating etc.).
At Friday, February 09, 2007 6:28:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
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At Friday, February 09, 2007 8:13:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
more posts about poop please.
At Saturday, February 10, 2007 3:22:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
I think that marriage, or some form of long-term commitment can be a good idea. I also believe that having children, be they biological or adopted can be a good idea. Both of those things depend largely on the individuals involved in them. However, basing one's happiness on either of those things is a terrible plan. You can't plan love, and children are only plannable to a small degree...then they actually arrive and wreak havoc of all kinds. Planning those things is a behavior that lies in the remarkably false belief that we can control other people. Influence them, certainly, but controling others is an entireley different issue. Why would you want a love or children that were bonded to you because you forced them to be? What a terrible sentence of loneliness that would create. Planning to base one's happiness on a wedding and the future production or adoption of children is foolish. In reality it is only planning to base your happiness on the level of control you can exert over other people in your life, how narcissitic is that?
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