gone to europe

Still happy. Catch ya on the flip side, mon ami.

less than 48 hours

..before I leave and I CANNOT find the daypack I was planning to take to Europe. Panic, panic.

it came back.

Picture this: I am driving home from running some errands and the sun is shining brightly. Out of nowhere, it feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I am smiling like a fool. For a long time now, the last time I can remember feeling really, truly happy was around my 26th birthday. That's a long time to go without happiness. It is 1 year, 6 months and 17 days, to be exact. But it came back and I cannot stop talking about it.

Partly, I attribute this to the love of some very good friends and family. People who worried about me, and prayed for me, and loved me despite the fact that nearly everytime we talked over the last two years, I had something even more damaging to share than the last bit of news. People who believed I would be okay, even when I didn't. And it's true; there have been countless times when I didn't know if I would be okay again. I have always tried to surround myself with good people, loving people who understand me, and so I have so many of you to thank for seeing me through.

I am not only okay, but I am happy.

Partly, I attribute this to finding again some of my own locus of control. Us control freaks do not like it when it is wrested from our very hands. But if anything, I have learned to let go and now, more than ever, make my own experience and take advantage of shared experience, as well. It is true that the losses and sadness of the past two years are still a part of me, and in many cases, likely will remain so for a very long time. But they are no longer an injurious part of me, looming overhead. And the proof of this is that I am smiling again.

back to life, back to reality

Well, I've nearly made it through my first year as a baby administrator. Our seniors graduate tomorrow, my halls are mostly closed with the exception of some stragglers, and I didn't have to light anyone's shit on fire ala Angela Bassett to get them out (though I thank Jana kindly for the tip). If you've ever wondered what it's like to be on the other side of that cushy dormitory you lived in your freshman year, I offer this mock outgoing e-mail and voicemail that my friend Aliya wrote this week:


Hello,

My name is Alison Inaz and yes, I am probably the person you would like to talk to. Before you leave your message, I have a few directions, thoughts, and words of advice for you:

1. We have a website for a reason. The dates and times of move out are listed on this website and have been since the beginning of the semester so whatever little Joaney or Peter communicated to you was probably wrong or a lie. Next time, check the dates yourself!

2. Contrary to popular belief, we will leave your child standing on the side of the road with all of their belongings. Yes it may be raining and yes wild animals do run the streets of our town but again a policy is a policy so we all must abide by it.

3. When you come to move your son or daughter out of the residence hall do not ask me for a garbage bag, a box, or anything that will transport items from one place to another. We don't have anymore and if we did, we wouldn't give it to you because that would mean we have to give it to everyone else. We are cheap! Why do you think we charge $30,000 a year to go to this school. BRING YOUR OWN!

4. And lastly, if your child is filthy, trifling, or just likes to break things it is in your best interest not to fight me on the charges for the damages made to his or her room. You will not win and I am a very persistent so you may as well leave me some money now, because depending on what they have done, you may need to go ahead and make a down payment.

In closing, if your question, comment or concern does not apply to any of the above you may leave your message but keep in mind that I will be dealing with the many other helicopter, control freak, disrespectful and annoying parents so I may not get back to you until next week.

Have a great day!!!

My re-entry last weekend was a little rough. Suffice it to say that it was hard to wake up on Saturday, realize I had no groceries in the house, and then also realize there was absolutely no place in town to get a decent bite to eat after having been in one of the country's culinary meccas. Never fear, gentle readers, my girls and I are headed to the big city this evening to remedy that and do a little carousing.

yellow roses for mom

Well. I don't have a lot to say about today, except that it is the first Mother's Day in my entire life that I have neither a grandmother nor a mother to call or visit with. Last year at this time, I still had both of them and even got to spend Mother's Day with my mom in Tucson over the graduation weekend, which may have been one of the best gifts we've ever given each other (despite the fact that she drove me crazy for a lot of the trip). It's true that I will be making some calls to my Other Moms to wish them a good day, but it's obviously not the same.

The reality of this hit me while I was in Vegas last week, doing some deep thinking, some of which may eventually make it onto this blog. I don't have a lot of time to feel sorry for myself today, though, as I am doing what I know best to honor them both. My mother and my grandmother were consummate hostesses, in very different ways, and so I am spending my day preparing food for the bridal shower my friend Aliya and I are throwing for our friend Lindsay tomorrow evening. Using the cooking and menu planning skills my mother taught me, and taking some lessons on hostessing from my grandmother, is the best way I know how to remember them today.

My grandmother loved flowers and plants, and my mom especially loved yellow roses. I have only ever bought yellow roses for one purpose--to give to my mom on Mother's Day. I bought these this year in memory of her:

Hi.

I am in Vegas, taking a wee break from the action. Guess who gets the shit blogging award for only posting 4 times in the last 6 weeks and nothing in the last month? Yeah, that'd be me. I've been out living my life again, y'all, and I gotta say--this month, maybe this week especially, I have never loved being 27 and single more. More later, friends.